Attachment Style Quiz

6 min

Read each situation and pick the answer that fits what you would do with a romantic partner, real or imagined. The quiz takes about 6 minutes. At the end you get one of four attachment styles and a plain description of how that style shows up in close relationships.

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How the test works

On a train, your partner scrolls through a phone and gives one-word answers. How do you take it? I read my book on the seat next to my partner. I ask my partner about the article on the screen. I run back over the week, looking for when the replies got shorter. I answer in one word and watch for my partner's reaction.

Your partner suggests spending the whole weekend together, and you had planned a day alone. How do you answer? I move my own plans to a weeknight. I offer my partner a Saturday afternoon together. I start working out how to get my day back. I clear my plans for both days.

Your partner tells you warmly that things between you are good. What follows in the next hour? I smile at the memory while folding laundry. I hover near my partner's desk, hoping to hear it again. I ask my partner to repeat it before bed. I cook a slow stew for the evening.

You come home drained after a hard week, and your partner is in the next room. What happens next? In passing, I mention the long week. I give my partner a cheerful "fine" about the week. I ask my partner to sit beside me. I hand dinner duty to my partner.

The thermostat is set higher than you like, and the apartment feels stuffy tonight. How does that sit with you? I open the window with a pointed thud. I sulk through dinner over the thermostat. I swap my sweater for a lighter T-shirt. I suggest turning the heat down after dinner.

Your partner asks what life was like before you met, hard stretches included. What do you share? I change the subject to my partner's own history. I tell the story of a hard year in detail. I answer my partner's follow-up questions about those years. I recite the timeline of the cities I lived in.

You would like more time and attention from your partner than this month's schedule allows. What do you do with the wish? I ask for a free evening, braced for a refusal. I put my wish for more evenings on the table. I pencil in a dinner for the first free week. I sigh over our old photos and the full calendar.

A friend asks how much you need your partner in your life. What do you say? I say plainly that I need my partner. I call my partner an important support in my life. I describe my partner as a welcome extra in a full life. I say I manage perfectly well on my own.

At a party, your partner talks with a witty, accomplished new acquaintance for an hour. What goes through your mind? I talk with the host about the garden. I raise my glass to the pair as I pass. I steal glances at the pair from across the room. I leave the host mid-sentence to rejoin the pair.

Over dinner, your partner says out loud how much the relationship means. How do you react? I thank my partner for putting it into words. With a joke about the candles, I lighten the mood. I get up to clear the plates from the table. I say the same back across the table.

Your partner flies out tomorrow on a ten-day trip. How do you handle the goodbye? I put a call for Sunday in the calendar. I make my partner promise a call from the airport. I steer the last evening toward whether we are in a good place. I tease my partner about the number of socks packed.

A job offer would move you to another city, and the answer is due this week. How do you go about it? I build a pros-and-cons list by myself first. I tell my partner about the accepted offer on the drive home. I read the offer aloud to my partner at the kitchen table. I run my main worries about the move past my partner.

You and your partner argue about where to spend a vacation, and the talk turns heated. Where does it go from there? I bring up a canceled dinner from last month. I ask whether we fit together at all. I stay on the question of which place suits us. I suggest pausing the talk for ten minutes.

You feel envious of a friend's good news, and your partner notices your mood. What do you do? I turn the talk to my friend's celebration plans. I name the envy out loud to my partner. I admit the sting of the news to my partner. I mention a bad night's sleep.

On a quiet Sunday morning, your partner reads across the room and you look up. What do you do? I ask my partner to come sit with me, my chest tight until the answer comes. I set a second coffee by my partner's chair. I stretch out my feet on the couch next to my partner's. I reach for my partner's hand, then pick up my cup before a rebuff.

At a conference far from home, a pang of missing your partner hits in the evening. What do you do? I call my partner to say I wish we were here together. I send my partner a photo of the harbor from my window. Back at the hotel, I flip through TV channels. I rehearse tomorrow's panel talk word for word.

Your relationship is in a very happy stretch, with affection plain on both sides. How does that register? I RSVP yes to a wedding next fall for the two of us. I cook my partner's favorite dinner on a weeknight. I tell a friend we are happy for now. I hold off on booking the summer trip in case the good run ends.

Your partner asks to join the Saturday-morning swim you do alone. How do you adapt? I invite my partner to join for the second half of the swim. I offer my partner a different morning for swimming together. I move my swim to a pool across town. I pack a second towel for my partner.

You finish far down the list in a race you trained for and feel low. What do you do that evening? On the sofa, I mention the result to my partner. I wait for my partner to say something reassuring. I ask my partner point-blank whether I still matter. I go ahead with our movie night as planned.

While you travel, only your partner has a key and a free schedule for your dog. What is your approach? I write down the feeding routine for a neighbor. I sign up with a dog-sitting service for the trip. I leave my partner the spare key on the hook. I give my partner the vet's number along with the key.

Midway through an argument about a canceled trip, your feelings run high. What shows? I talk faster and louder over my partner's last sentence. My voice shakes and my eyes fill in the middle of a sentence. I hear my partner's side out to the end. I give a firm answer in an even tone.

You have a half-formed hope of making music for a living. Who hears about it? I write song ideas in a notebook that stays in a drawer. I play half-finished songs for my partner on the couch. I ask my partner for feedback on a finished song. I mention the music to my partner as a hobby.

You want to tell your partner you see a future together, before hearing the same first. What do you do? I swallow the words for fear of an awkward silence. Over breakfast, I say it straight out. I mention it in passing while we cook. I wrap the words in a joke.

The thought crosses your mind that the relationship could end someday. How do you deal with it? I raise the thought with my partner on a walk. I write the thought down in my journal. I put on a podcast to fill the quiet. I plan the coming week's meals.

A planned dinner is moved to next week, and your partner explains that a deadline came up. How do you respond? I move the dinner reservation to next week. I tease my partner about working so late. I type a reply and leave my real question unsent. I reread old messages all evening after a breezy yes.

Your partner proposes choosing, together, a place to settle within a few years. What is your answer? I agree to a shortlist of cities to start with. I ask for a month to think about it. I suggest leaving the whole idea off the table for a year. I browse apartment listings for the two of us.

Keys 1–4 pick an answer

About the test

Methodology

The quiz is built on the two-scale approach to adult attachment. The first scale, attachment anxiety, measures how closely a person watches whether closeness will hold and how much confirmation gets sought; its sides are Concern for the bond and Ease about the bond. The second, attachment avoidance, measures how far a person leans on a partner or prefers to handle things alone and keep feelings private; its sides are Independence and Reliance.

The 26 situations alternate between the scales, 13 each, and all concern a romantic partner, real or imagined. Every situation has four answers: two lean toward one side of a scale and two toward the other, with one strong and one mild answer on each side. A strong answer adds 3 points to its side and a mild one adds 1. Points are totaled separately for each scale, and the side with more points wins it.

The two winning sides give one of four styles: Secure, Anxious, Avoidant or Fearful-avoidant. The names mark areas of the field the two scales form, one quarter each, and someone near the edge of one area sits between two styles. The bar beside a winning side shows how strongly its answers were chosen, measured against the highest score it could reach. The quiz rests on a person's own answers about themselves. For further reading, a dictionary entry defines attachment style, and a magazine article looks at whether a style can change.

Author: Lex Tarrel, Creator of the CoreTypes system

Sources

Fraley, R. C., Waller, N. G., & Brennan, K. A. (2000). An item response theory analysis of self-report measures of adult attachment. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 350–365. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.78.2.350.
Bartholomew, K., & Horowitz, L. M. (1991). Attachment styles among young adults: A test of a four-category model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61(2), 226–244. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.61.2.226.
Fraley, R. C., Hudson, N. W., Heffernan, M. E., & Segal, N. (2015). Are adult attachment styles categorical or dimensional? A taxometric analysis of general and relationship-specific attachment orientations. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 109(2), 354–368. doi:10.1037/pspp0000027.
Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511–524. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.52.3.511.

Frequently asked questions

How accurate is the attachment style quiz?

The quiz totals the answers on two scales, one for anxiety and one for avoidance, and the winning sides name the style. The description that follows covers how that style shows up with a partner: what is expected from closeness, how worries are handled and how much gets shared. The description is written as a set of familiar scenes from close relationships.

What are the four attachment styles?

The four styles are Secure, Anxious, Avoidant and Fearful-avoidant, and each is one quarter of the field formed by two scales: attachment anxiety, which is how much worry the bond attracts, and attachment avoidance, which is how far a person leans on a partner or keeps to themselves. Secure is known for ease with relying on a partner, Anxious for a close watch over the bond, Avoidant for managing alone, and Fearful-avoidant for wanting closeness while keeping distance. Research writing calls Anxious anxious-preoccupied and Avoidant dismissive-avoidant. Every style carries its own strength and its own cost.

Can an attachment style change?

A style can shift with experience. Research describes avoidance easing after warm experiences of closeness. The result describes the pattern as it stands today.

Do I need a partner to take the quiz?

No. A past partner works as the reference, and so does the way a person expects to act with a partner. The questions focus on romantic partners, and a similar pattern shows up with close friends and other close people too.

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